Don't Let Water Drip from the Faucet

Photo by Mattox
I've been to the bathroom twice in 30 minutes. I know you don't care to know the intricacies of my bladder impulses, but this is excessive. I'll admit it: I am the shameful owner of an overactive bladder. I can't even have a beer, much less water, with my friends before my bladder starts pressing on the front of my abdomen. I can't concentrate on the valuable things my drunken friends have to say during important impromptu meetings at important the corner booth at our favorite local Cheers. My bladder makes me look like an uncaring friend. A selfish friend. A 'wants-to-get-away-from-her-friends' friend. I'm tired of my bladder ruining my relationships.

I try to shush my gotta pee moments by crossing my legs, walking in a circle, or if it comes down to it: discreetly holding myself. Ok, not very discreetly. In efforts to calm my full bladder, I also refuse to throw my head back in laughter for fear of letting a little water drip out of the faucet. I try to time myself so that a trip to the bathroom comes at a 'natural' getting ready to leave the place, a time that is not in the middle of an intoxicated explanation on the value of Lil' Kim in feminism.

I've failed horribly in my efforts and I've missed the best/funniest/most shocking parts of conversations about things that I wouldn't have remembered anyway.