Non-Funny

I'm not in a humorous mood lately. You know why? I'll tell you why. My finances are squeezing me tighter than a pair of skinny jeans around Omarion's nuts.

Money is evil!!

Why, Lord, Why?!?

The heat decides NOT to swelter when I get the air conditioner in my car fixed.
Wasting my dang money! If I had known this, I coulda let it ride out 'til fall...smh

I Enjoy being a Full-Time Maid

Sadly, writing entertaining and random blog posts isn't my full-time job. I spend my time at an establishment that could be described as a 'fine retailer.' No, it isn't Walgreen's or CVS, if you wanted to know. At work I do a lot of things that result in KSAs that could easily be transferred into the gleaming resume of a professional sanitary and neatness technician.

I swipe mirrors and counter tops until they are fingerprint-less and sparkling. I handle mail and put trash out. I steam, fold and hang clothing.

And best of all, I get the privilege of picking up 158-dollar dress shirts (woven cotton, mind you) that have been carelessly strewn about on the fitting room floor. And chair. And doorway. I like untangling the straps of backless dresses and turning pants right-side out. I LIVE FOR IT. I might as well be a maid, the work is strikingly similar. But I bet I could get paid more.

Watch His Footwork

I go out to enjoy myself and enjoy the nightlife. But every now and then I find a gem to precious to pass up. Watch the man on stage in the black and white shirt. He is giving off pure FEVER. This fat, sweaty white guy is throwing more signs than a Crip hanging out the passenger side window of a cerulean '82 Cutlass Supreme! Watch and be made whole my children.

God Don't Like Ugly Or Burnt Sienna Either

I think that ugly people shouldn't wear earth tones. If you are indeed an ugly person seeking advice, listen to me and listen to me good: DO NOT WEAR BROWN, OLIVE, KHAKI, OR BURNT SIENNA NEAR YOUR FACE! This only makes your skin look drab, brings out the dark circles you already have under your eyes, and makes your teeth look dingy.

I know fall is approaching and natural looking colors of the earth and forest tempt you from department store racks. Please don't fall into temptation. Put your blinders on and let the Lord lead you to the salvation of navy blue, white or shades of gray!

Don't let yourself be a victim. You will only increase the already unsavory reactions people give you based upon your ugliness. Put away those olive and tan dress shirts and diminish your bad luck as much as a merlot colored shirt will allow.

Temperature's Rising...!!

It is so hot I wanna slap somebody. This sweltering heat is ungodly. There is no reason for me to walk out of my house and have my mouth go dry. I shouldn't have to wait 20 minutes for the air in my car to start cooling off because it's 107 degrees and rising.

I thought about going to the pool to cool off, to feel the water swirl around me and engulf me in coolness as engage in a lazy backstroke....BUT NO! What is the point of going in 85 degree water? I guess I can't complain because 85 is a helluva lot cooler than 105!

Even at night there is no break. Last night it was 95 at 10 p.m. Why, Lord, why? Is this our punishment for throwing trash on the ground in giant landfills? I'm saddened. I can't cope, but I should be used to this type of menacing heat by now.

I suppose I'll keep a bottle of 80 degree water by my side at all times in case my mouth goes dry again.