You Know it's Bad When the Mechanic Tells You the Truth!

My car needs fixing. Again. Trips to the mechanic and hookups to the diagnostic machine are nothing new for me and Emerald (my car's name). But this time, Emerald has outdone herself. Every time I stop at a stoplight, stop sign, or even hesitate on the brakes for a moment too long, she whimpers, chokes, and dies on me. Once on the street when I was trying to make a left hand turn across two lanes. So of course, I knew it was time to take Emerald for a check up.

I decided I didn't want to go with my usual guy because I suspect he's been cheating me a little on the work I've been getting. So I went to these fancy new people who are located off the highway. They took a look at my baby and said with confidence that it was my mass air control filter. Ah ha! So that's why my car has been embarrassing me with her wailing noises. It's so loud that I turn up the volume of my music, which has resulted in a blown out back speaker, *sigh*.

I was so happy that this work was only going to cost me $220. I brought my car back to get worked on, five minutes later, the mechanic calls me and tells me to come get my junk. He can't work on it because it's NOT the mass air control thing or another. Then he proceeded to turn the knife: he was honest with me. And it wasn't good. He told me there was no use in fixing my car because it wasn't like the car was gonna last me too much longer anyway. Then he got even more honest and told me my transmission AND my engine were gonna go out on me sooner rather than later.

I appreciated his straightforward communication tactics, but man! You know it's bad when the mechanic tells you your car isn't worth fixing!

Non-Funny

I'm not in a humorous mood lately. You know why? I'll tell you why. My finances are squeezing me tighter than a pair of skinny jeans around Omarion's nuts.

Money is evil!!

Why, Lord, Why?!?

The heat decides NOT to swelter when I get the air conditioner in my car fixed.
Wasting my dang money! If I had known this, I coulda let it ride out 'til fall...smh

I Enjoy being a Full-Time Maid

Sadly, writing entertaining and random blog posts isn't my full-time job. I spend my time at an establishment that could be described as a 'fine retailer.' No, it isn't Walgreen's or CVS, if you wanted to know. At work I do a lot of things that result in KSAs that could easily be transferred into the gleaming resume of a professional sanitary and neatness technician.

I swipe mirrors and counter tops until they are fingerprint-less and sparkling. I handle mail and put trash out. I steam, fold and hang clothing.

And best of all, I get the privilege of picking up 158-dollar dress shirts (woven cotton, mind you) that have been carelessly strewn about on the fitting room floor. And chair. And doorway. I like untangling the straps of backless dresses and turning pants right-side out. I LIVE FOR IT. I might as well be a maid, the work is strikingly similar. But I bet I could get paid more.

Watch His Footwork

I go out to enjoy myself and enjoy the nightlife. But every now and then I find a gem to precious to pass up. Watch the man on stage in the black and white shirt. He is giving off pure FEVER. This fat, sweaty white guy is throwing more signs than a Crip hanging out the passenger side window of a cerulean '82 Cutlass Supreme! Watch and be made whole my children.

God Don't Like Ugly Or Burnt Sienna Either

I think that ugly people shouldn't wear earth tones. If you are indeed an ugly person seeking advice, listen to me and listen to me good: DO NOT WEAR BROWN, OLIVE, KHAKI, OR BURNT SIENNA NEAR YOUR FACE! This only makes your skin look drab, brings out the dark circles you already have under your eyes, and makes your teeth look dingy.

I know fall is approaching and natural looking colors of the earth and forest tempt you from department store racks. Please don't fall into temptation. Put your blinders on and let the Lord lead you to the salvation of navy blue, white or shades of gray!

Don't let yourself be a victim. You will only increase the already unsavory reactions people give you based upon your ugliness. Put away those olive and tan dress shirts and diminish your bad luck as much as a merlot colored shirt will allow.